- Mensletter
- Posts
- The Compliment They’ll Remember
The Compliment They’ll Remember
Most compliments bounce off. This one sticks, and makes you memorable.
The facts
Undervalued uplift. A 2021 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology paper that ran nine experiments found that people consistently underestimate how happy a compliment will make someone feel.
In the flagship field study, senders guessed their partner’s post-compliment mood would average 7.79/10, but recipients actually reported 8.81/10, 13 % higher than predicted.
Praise the chooser, not the thing. In follow-up work with 370 romantic partners, “other-praising” wording, highlighting what the other person did well, drove bigger boosts in perceived partner responsiveness and moment-to-moment relationship satisfaction than simply noting how you benefited.
Why does it work?
Competence + autonomy hit: Complimenting a choice (“That forest-green jacket was a sharp pick”) validates the recipient’s personal agency, two core psychological needs, creating a stronger positive jolt than generic flattery.
“Other-praising” signals you noticed: By spotlighting their decision, you make the person feel understood and valued, which in turn fuels perceived partner responsiveness and closeness.
The result: a compliment that feels sincere, personal, and memorable, exactly what most compliments aren’t.
How to implement it?
Spot the choice. Clothes, drink order, workout routine, playlist, anything they consciously selected.
Be specific. “That forest-green jacket? Killer pick.”
Use “your.” Center their agency.
Keep it tight. One sharp line. Skip the ramble.
Pivot to them. Ask a quick question (“Where’d you find it?”) and let the conversation roll.
Nail that formula and you’ll give a dopamine jolt they won’t forget.
Your turn!
Try the choice compliment on the next person you see today. Notice the smile, then hit reply and tell me how it landed. Bet a friend could use this too, forward it their way.
That was your tip of the day. You’re welcome! 🤝
The Mensletter Team.